Take the edge off: Thoughts on taking antidepressants

"Emotional blunting is a common side effect of SSRI antidepressants"

The latter end of 2022 I started taking antidepressants. It wasn't the first time I had taken them, but this is the longest period of time I've taken them for. 

It's not something that I decided to take without thought, I was nervous to start taking them again. It really felt like a catch 22 situation, still feels like one. 

A lot of my practice is built on my emotions, naturally I'm a very emotionally sensitive person. I tend to make work as a way of combatting my anxiety/depression. However as I found myself in 2022 unable to recognise myself and unable to function, in every facet of life. My mood, sleep, appetite, concentration etc... was affected. The last thing that I wanted to do was sit and make work, my intrusive thoughts were too much bare. I'd just sit at my desk and cry, all I felt was a deep aching emptiness.

IBD is prevalent in my life too, I think it's important to recognise that IBD and anxiety/depression are linked and they feed into each other. For as long as I can remember I've struggled with the two, but I'm only just now understanding it and I find dealing with the two absolutely debilitating. 

As I write this I can't bare the thought of this sounding self indulgent.

But, this is what was rattling around in my head. I'm very much struggling to tap into my emotions and thus meaning I struggle to write creatively. 

There definitely is a pressure that I feel to have kept up with writing blog posts, long winded instagram captions etc... writing with emotion at the forefront comes naturally to me and so it definitely frustrates me that i'm unable to do this at the moment. 

It's about the only thing I can bring myself to write, unfortunately it's not about how amazing I feel about my work and how its going really well and I'm keeping myself afloat with my creatives endeavours. 

Far from it, don't believe everything you see on social media.

Gee x